Title: Star light, Star bright
Written To: Star light, star bright, first star i see tonight, wish i may, wish i might, have this wish i wish tonight
Author: ME... the CrazyKateMonsterEmoCookie
Pairng: Kinda anyone you want really as long as one of them is Ville Valo and the other is Bam Margera who's POV this happens to be written in!!!
I never noticed how cold it was until you left. I can’t remember a time when you didn’t have your arms wrapped around me, protecting me, keeping me warm. In the harsh Helsinki winters we shivered, your arms my protection from the harsh world outside your door. As hard as it was for us there, it was nothing to what it became for us once we moved to the states. Long distance relationships never really worked for me and it was relatively easy to convince you to move to America, to move in with me. There were so many chances over here that you missed out on back in Finland, and I knew you would miss it, but I thought you could cope if I was there to, if I was there to hold your hand and love you. I watched your anticipation grow as you packed your life up and came home with me. I know it never really felt like home in the beginning, but you grew used to it. It took you a while to get used to the noise of my house, our house. To the intruding way of the people around me, around us. There was so much chaos, so much mess and disorder and I knew how much it drove you insane. Your eye’s once burnt brighter then life itself but slowly, I watched them burn out.
I get so lonely now you’ve gone, now that I can’t hear your voice. When you left I broke all my CD’s, convincing myself that I never wanted to hear your voice again. Now that time has passed and the wounds have healed, I miss your gentle crooning, but I can’t bring myself to buy new albums, the pain coming back every time I see your face, watching me from the album cover’s in the record store. I remember how you looked when you were on stage; you had so much life, so much enthusiasm for someone so young. You were never the same in America as you were back in Finland, but I thought that was just a stage, that it would pass and you would be perfect once again. I loved watching you perform, ever since that first concert I went to I was captivated. From the edge of the crowd I watched as you sang, drinking and smoking whilst still holding the audience, every boy and girl in the room stopping just to listen to the beautiful words, melodies and tunes as they fell from your perfect lips.
Right at this moment you are the only person I want to be holding. I just wish I could turn back the clock and stop you from leaving. I wish I knew where you were, so maybe, just maybe I could call and check if you were alright. For all I know I’ve missed your funeral, I’ve missed my chance to tell you that you meant more then anything else in the world to me, more then life itself. I never meant for us to fall apart. I truly thought we were everything and despite what they all told us, that we would make it through. I was prepared to DIE for you, but you left, leaving me a broken mass on the floor. Perhaps it would have been better if I had have dies, if I did become nothing and loose everything. Maybe then I would feel so much pain, I wouldn’t feel a thing. Maybe I should never have fallen for you, maybe it would have been better if I had stayed with her, married her, and led a pretend life of normality with a wife. I could have had kids, could have been a daddy, taught them how to love with all their hearts, taught them to love, like I loved you.
As I lie here on my bed I can see the stars that twinkle in the sky, and I wonder if you can see them too. Are you wishing on the same star I am? Are you wishing for the same thing as me? I want so bad to see you again, just to know that you’re alright, that you’re alive. I want to tell you how much I love you just one more time, and I want you to know just how much I hurt now that your not around. I just want to go back to what we were before… before everything. I don’t think you know just how broken I am. I curl myself into the window sill, pressing my body against the cool glass of the window pane. The world outside is silent, nothing moves. The moon has disappeared behind the clouds and for a moment the yard is dark. I can see nothing but the tree tops in the distance, and it’s on these I focus. Something draws my attention away from the trees and I notice for the first time the flickering flame of a cigarette lighter as someone tried desperately to light a cigarette. I only know one person who smokes on a constant basis and it can’t possibly be you who is standing outside my front door.
As the moon peeks out from behind the clouds I can see your skinny figure, the black of your clothes blending you into the dark surroundings. As you turn, your cigarette dangling between your lips, I catch sight of you vibrant green eyes. I want those eyes to find me, to make it all better.
I wish you would turn your head and find me in the window frame, that you would smile and everything would be ok, I wish that we could have once again what we’d lost.